“I never start the day before it ends.”

“I never start the day before it ends.”

Ralph Boring

is a Finnish-American pefletti magnate (yes, the sauna bench cushion industry, you wouldn’t understand), visionary philanthropist, billionaire businessman, reluctant entrepreneur, part-time investor, ghostwritten author, synthetic podcaster, and self-certified lifestyle deity.

Black and white photograph of a middle-aged man with glasses, sitting on a wooden bench wearing a black turtleneck and a quilted seat cover, with a serious expression.
A man with curly hair and sunglasses wearing a white t-shirt with the text 'I retired before I was real' standing in front of a graffiti-covered wall.

Ralph Boring™ Limited Edition “ I retired before i was real” T-Shirt

  • This isn’t just a shirt. It’s an existential declaration. Crafted from 100% organic cotton that has been bored to tears during harvesting, each fiber has been individually told, “Don’t try too hard.”

  • Effortlessly disappointing. The seams? Stitched by artisans who were thinking about quitting mid-thread. The logo? Printed in an ink so limited, it considered selling out after the first drop.

  • May cause people to ask, “Who is Ralph Boring?” to which the only correct answer is: Exactly.

A book titled 'The 4-Minute Workweek' by Ralph Boring, with a man in a suit and glasses holding an hourglass on the cover, sitting on a bench.

The 4-Minute Workweek” by Ralph Boring™

    • Tim sold hustle-efficiency.

    • Ralph Boring sells anti-hustle absurdity.

    • Instead of optimizing your schedule, Ralph just erases it.

    Why work 4 hours when you can work 4 minutes — or not at all?

  • “People waste 40 hours a week chasing dreams. Tim cut it down to 4 hours. I cut it down to 4 minutes. The other 10,036 minutes? Sit down, steam up, and let the AI do it. You don’t need productivity hacks. You need a towel, a pefletti, and an exit plan.”

  • “I don’t chase opportunities. I let opportunities get bored enough to chase me.”

A white bag of cereal with black text that says, 'I retired before I was real.' Below the text, there are images of a small pile of cheerio-like cereal.

I RETIRED BEFORE I WAS REAL – CEREAL™

  • 0 ambition, 100% boredom.

  • No sugar, no goals, no alarm clocks. Just vibes.

  • “Retire your hunger before it’s even real”.