“I never start the day before it ends.”

“I never start the day before it ends.”

Ralph Boring

is a Finnish-American pefletti magnate (yes, the sauna bench cushion industry, you wouldn’t understand), visionary philanthropist, billionaire businessman, reluctant entrepreneur, part-time investor, ghostwritten author, synthetic podcaster, and self-certified lifestyle deity.

Black and white photograph of a middle-aged man with glasses, sitting on a wooden bench wearing a black turtleneck and a quilted seat cover, with a serious expression.

Ralph Boring Presents:

Teach AI How to Sweat in a Sauna is now available in selected platforms—which means maybe one, maybe none, maybe all.

  • Teach AI How to Sweat in a Sauna by Ralph Boring

    What happens when you invite artificial intelligence into a Finnish sauna?
    You get a book that is equal parts guide, parody, and existential crisis.

    In Teach AI How to Sweat in a Sauna, Ralph Boring explores the lost art of boredom, steam, and silence—through the absurd lens of teaching machines how to overheat with dignity. From digital towels and GPU core temperatures to awkward small talk and fainting protocols, this book takes you on a 10-chapter journey into a world you didn’t know you needed.

    • Learn the philosophy of sweat—human and digital.

    • Discover how to build a sauna for algorithms (spoiler: it involves motherboards).

    • Unlock the secrets of sauna etiquette, even if you are made of code.

    • Witness AI’s transformation into a Sauna Mystic.

Get it here
A white bag of cereal with black text that says, 'I retired before I was real.' Below the text, there are images of a small pile of cheerio-like cereal.

I RETIRED BEFORE I WAS REAL – CEREAL™

  • 0 ambition, 100% boredom.

  • No sugar, no goals, no alarm clocks. Just vibes.

  • “Retire your hunger before it’s even real”.

COMING SOON